Back to where it all began

On the 21st, my 2 youngest kids and I are taking a trip to MN to visit my family.  I'm super excited about going, I can SO totally use a vacation!!!  But it's also a scary thing on the weight loss front.  Several years ago, back when I only had 2 kids and more time and energy and less mess and exhaustion, I lost 50 lbs.  This miracle happened *right* before I took a trip back to MN to visit my family.  I've never seen that weight again.  I started gaining it back and never have been able to lose any significant amount since. 

I'm sure there is some deep pyschological reason for that having to do with buried feelings and whatnot.  Whatever it is, it sucks!!

The last time I was there was when my youngest child was 2 months old.  A bunch of pictures were taken, pictures that I'd like to burn.  Unfortunately, I am not able to burn them from my memory.  I looked awful.  Now I know, I know, the whole "just had a baby thing" was certainly in play with my sagging abs.  But seriously, I am disgusted by what I looked like.

Problem is, I probably don't look much different now.  That was just a couple weeks after I had the awful Mirena IUD put in and subsequently gained 30 lbs.  I've only lost 24 of those 30 lbs, so I'm still heavier than I was in those horrid pictures.  Not looking forward to seeing any pictures of me this time.  *sigh*

I want this time to be different!  I have no control over how I'm going to look in the pictures this time, I am how I am and can't do anything to change that in 4 days.  But hopefully I won't look *quite* as bad as I did 2 months after giving birth.  And hopefully I will be able to come home from this trip and still continue losing weight.  Er, well maybe start losing weight again would be a better way to put it since I'm still stuck where I am.  I just don't want anything buried in my head from the past to come back and derail me again.

I am hoping to get in some exercise while I'm there, and I'm going to continue being aware of why I want to eat and if I'm truly hungry, and being aware of when I'm full and stop eating.  I feel like I'm making baby steps in those last things, but I'm slowly getting there.  Those things should be enough to get me through the week, and then I can work on the after effects when I get home.