A setback...

So with last week being "that time of the month" it got harder to control my sugar cravings.  I gave in a little, then a little more and more.  Still better than my usual, but I really didn't try to work through the cravings and just gave in to them. 

Then yesterday happened.  I went to the grocery store, they were baking chocolate chip cookies.  Then they were putting out bags of these freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.  All for only $2.99.  How is a fat chick to resist?  I mean, I LOVE chocolate chip cookies, the soft chewy pieces of heaven that they are!

I made the mistake of thinking I could be good and have just one.  Yes, I am an idiot.  I know chocolate chip cookies are a trigger food for me, always have been probably always will be.  Clearly, you can see where this is going...I ate entirely way, way too many.

Today I've been super tired and just have no energy.  At first I was like, what the heck is wrong with me, but then I was like, oh, duh!  I have a pretty good idea that is due to all the sugar I ate yesterday.  I was kind of surprised, and yet totally not surprised at the reaction my body has had.  I used to eat that way a lot though, it's no wonder I was always tired and didn't want to do anything.  I would have never really connected the two had I not gone for so long with reducing my intake, so I guess something good came of it.

Now, if only this old dog can learn some new tricks and learn something from the experience...namely, to walk away from the chocolate chip cookies the next time!

And by the way, who thought it was a great idea in that store to put the bakery RIGHT next to the produce section??  I shouldn't be assaulted by warm chocolately goodness while I'm choosing my salads and apples for the week!  Forget everything I just said, I blame THEM for my downfall!!  ;-)

Today's update

I have not been perfect since I last updated.  I have caved a couple times and gave in to my chocolate cravings.  (In the interest of full disclosure 2 of those times were today, but you'll probably understand that in a bit...)  Still consuming almost nothing compared to usual, so yay me!  And all of this is surprising considering I usually inhale chocolate during pms and that time of the month, which it just so happens to be for me (and thus why my self-control seems to be faltering more than before.)

It's HOT this week and I haven't felt as motivated to workout.  Monday I only did a walk with the dogs, and Wednesday I ended up not doing anything at all.  Still got in my WATP workouts and kettelbell exercises on Tuesday and Thursday.

No weight loss to report, which is discouraging.  Just have to keep telling myself 1) it's about a lot more than the scale or the size of my clothes, and 2) my body is totally annoying in that it can take weeks for any progress to begin showing.

Doing surprisingly well

So on Day 3 I did better than I thought I would.  Made it the entire day without having any sweets at all.  And then...  My husband sits down on the couch with me and has a big bowl of ice cream.  He offers me some and I say no because 1) I've made it 3 whole days and I'm feeling pretty good about that, and 2) this particular ice cream tastes like crap, and if I wanted to cheat I wanted it to be on something good.  But he says "I got this much so I could share it with you, so you have to have some."  UGH.  So, I allowed myself to be sabotaged or enabled or whatever you want to call it.  I didn't actually eat that much, because like I said it tastes like crap and I am admittedly an ice cream snob.

All in all I have eaten so much less sugar than usual that I guess the day was still a success.

Yesterday was the 4th day and I was dreaming of a McDonald's mocha frappe with the hot fudge drizzled on top.  Mmmmmmm....  But I didn't stop to get one, and it's quite possible the only reason was that I was 2 lanes away and there was too much traffic to get over in time to turn, but still, I didn't cave.  I did take the kids to get lunch while we were out shopping, and got an Oreo shake for all of us to share.  I poured the kids' first and had what was left, which was truly only about 3 ounces worth.  The younger two were being exceptionally difficult all day long, which normally would have sent me on a total chocolate bender to calm myself from the frustration of it all.  But I didn't find myself really craving it and didn't have any.  Now, had someone put one of those mocha frappes in front me I doubt I would have had any self control.

So, while I haven't been completely sugar free, I'm quite shocked at the lack of desire I have felt for it.  There have been lots of times I have thought about it, but I think that has been more because I was so used to having so much that I just felt like I should.  But I was able to feel that I didn't necessarily want it and so didn't eat it.  I really don't know what could possibly have switched in my brain, or for how long it will stay that way, but I'm going to go with it for now.

2 whole days

I have made it 2 entire days with zero chocolate.  (Er, aside from the cafe mocha Keurig coffee, but since that isn't the type of chocolate I crave or obessess about or consume mass quantities of or....anyway, that doesn't count.)

I did start thinking of caving yesterday.  I actually have chocolate in the house, I've even given some to my son and not even taken one teeny bit or licked my finger.  I was beginning to feel the grouchiness that comes when I don't have any for too long.  But I stuck it out and didn't have anything.  I did keep feeling like I was starving and grabbed a few things here and there to snack on. 

One step at a time though.  I need to get over my addiction to having sugar every day multiple times a day first.  Then I'll work on portion sizes and calories.

I'm betting today will be even more of a challenge.  Hopefully I'll have enough to distract me to keep me away.  My oldest son is coming home from being gone all summer and my husband will be off work today, so I hope to keep busy enough.

I have already done my walk and kettelbell workout for today, had to get it in before it's blazing hot!

Made it through the day!

So I impressed myself and actually did quite well yesterday.  I did a 30 minute walk and about a 15 minute kettlebell workout.  I drank tons of water, had 4 cups of green tea.  The only "sweets" I had was 2 big marshmallows.  Nothing chocolate at all, woot!

Today will be a challenge I'm sure.  I'm already struggling.  I am doing doggy daycare for a friend and so I have to get up at 6 am the past 2 days.  Yesterday I was good until about 4:45, but today I'm already dragging.  About to do a walk and hopefully that will wake me up.

I will probably have more of a struggle with the sugar cravings too.  Yesterday wasn't bad, I had a couple times when I thought about it, but overall was able to handle it well.  But today is day 2, my body is going to realize it's missing it's fix.  That's always my problem.  I can handle a day, but the 2nd & 3rd days are always super tough and I cave.  We'll see how it goes!

New Week, New Attitude

So it's Monday and I'm trying to start off fresh with a good attitude.  No more moping about how my weight loss has stalled for the past 7 months, it's about time I actually start TRYING to get things moving again.  No telling how long this will last, but I'm taking advantage for as long as I can. 

I recently have become friends with one of my neighbors and she is trying to lose weight as well.  She is in the Navy and had a baby 7 months ago, so it's more of a matter that she really has to lose weight for her job.  But I'm hoping that having someone around that I see nearly every day (who is not my husband harping on me) who I can see is losing weight might motivate me some more.

I have walked 30 minutes the last 2 days, planning on doing my 30 minutes for today in just a bit.  I have had a healthy breakfast, and I bought a kettlebell yesterday so I am excited to do a short workout with that today as well. 

Powerless

So I've been reading that YOU: On A Diet book still.  Just read a paragraph that talked about the emotional aspects of being overweight and allowing food to have power over you because you feel powerless in other aspects of your life.  For me that hits the nail right on the head.  I feel powerless in, well sheesh, almost every aspect of my life.  I won't go into all the gory details, just know that there are gory details, this isn't just a "woe is me, see how miserable my life is, feel sorry for me" list...but here are some of the ways I feel powerless in my life, and I'm sure there are many more.

I feel powerless to keep the house clean and organized. 

I feel powerless to get my children to behave in a remotely appropriate manner. 

I feel powerless to get my son to eat normally. 

I feel powerless to help my son with his significant focus and attention issues in ways that don't include medicaton.

I feel powerless to find a way to contribute to my family financially in a way that I actually enjoy and have passion for doing.

I feel powerless to raise my family in a way more similar to my own, so that they are grounded and value things in a way that is different from the southern california mindset.

I feel powerless against my own thoughts that have always told me I'm not good enough, likeable enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc.

I feel powerless against my own body, with its addiction to sugar and aches and pains and other afflictions that leave me feeling "off" all the time.

Of course I'm going to allow food to have power over me, everything else does.  It wouldn't make sense for me to have control over food, but not over anything else in my life.  The reasons I feel powerless are so encompassing and oppressive, I'm not sure how to not feel that way.  Somehow, the food part has to change though, weight loss will never happen for me if it doesn't. 

Ok, so I didn't walk today

The plan was to get up and go early this morning.  But last night I just couldn't bring myself to go to bed and go to sleep, I was tired, but the thought of laying down irritated me for some reason.  It was 11:30 by the time I finally gave in.  It seems that somehow deep in my brain I knew what I was in for.  I was woken at 1 something by my son because the hamster was making too much noise.  Then again at 2-ish because the hamster was STILL making too much noise.  Then I couldn't get comfortable.  Then my husband came home from work, and I already wasn't sleeping, so the noise he was making wouldn't allow me to sleep.  Then he got in bed and all I could think about was how my hip was really hurting no matter what side I was laying on, and how my neck and shoulders were sore no matter how I was laying, and how I couldn't sleep, and my arms were achy, and my legs were achy, and....well I was just totally annoyed and irritated and miserable. So, sleep didn't happen the way it should have and I didn't wake up until 7:30, and by that time my daughter was awake.  So much for getting up early.

Will try again tomorrow.

Geez, where have I been?

Haven't posted here in a while.  Not really much to say.  My hip is still hurting, going on almost 2 months now.  I did go to the chiro to see if something was out of whack causing it to be a problem.  It feels like it is sloooooooowly getting better since getting adjusted, but still not completely healed by far.  Going to start walking anyway, I'm tired of feeling like a slug, just walking, nothing too indulgent.  Going to keep the pace moderate and stay away from the bigger hills in the neighborhood if possible.  If I have to I'll just walk back and forth on the path in the green belt for 30 minutes.  I might look strange to people, but it's pretty flat there.  I figure I have to walk just to get around, so if that's aggravating it I'm screwed no matter what, might as well walk some more for exercise.  I won't really be any worse off and I'll have burned some extra calories.

My mom gave me a book while I was back up there getting my son last weekend.  It's the YOU: On A Diet book.  Dr. OZ is one of the authors, he's a pretty cool guy.  Anyway, it talks all about the actual science and biology of digestion and what foods do to/in your body and how everything effects your weight.  It's done in a way that's easy to understand and it's interesting and kind of makes you think more about what you put into your body.  Knowing something "isn't good for you" isn't quite as powerful as knowing exactly the what it's doing to you, I think it's stuff everyone should know, not just those of us who are overweight.